Last night 13-year old
Katharine Close saved America from what would have been the latest in a string of devastating defeats. Close correctly spelled "
ursprache" to claim victory over
Finola Hackett, a
Canadian, in the
Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. Without entering the debate over whether a Canadian should have even been competing in the "National" championship I will say that it would have been a crushing blow to the American psyche for a
Canadian to have won "
our" bee.
I have nothing against
Canadians. In fact, as a general rule I find
Canadians to be quite pleasant. As a proud American, however, I have seen was can only be described as a disappointing trend of underperforming on the world stage in recent years. In basketball, a game invented in America, a team of American
NBA players settled for a humiliating bronze medal in the
2004 Olympics. In the
World Baseball Classic, America was eliminated in the second round of our own "
national pastime." Each of these is disappointing enough, and to lose our own National Spelling Bee would have been just as bad, but there is one defeat that hurts more than the rest.
No American has ever won the
Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship. Read that sentence again and prepare to shed a tear as this horrible truth sinks in. The Krystal was invented in America, by Americans, and has been loved since
1932 by millions of Americans. In fact Krystal Lovers have been having eating contests since 1932 when Roy Ward, Krystal's second customer, claimed he could eat twice as many Krystals as French Jenkins. He did just that by eating 12 Krystals, and according to legend invented the Krystal Sackful in the process. Despite this long history of Krystal eating, no American has been able to defeat Japanese
competitive eating legend
Takeru Kobayashi in the Square Off. In 2005,
Joey Chestnut came close, leading Kobayashi
until the final minute. With recent strong performances in
hotdogs,
wings,
jalapeno poppers,
asparagus, and
milk, Joey looks poised to give Kobayashi another challenge.
But America cannot depend solely upon Joey Chestnut to defend our honor as a nation. Krystal Lovers, I implore you to stand up next to Katharine Close, eat lots of Krystals, and bring back the championship that is rightfully ours.